Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
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