Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
