What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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