i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
