I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
the raccoons are back...
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