very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
