I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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