Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
