alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
