dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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