youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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