Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
