There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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