were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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