Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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