I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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