Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
