Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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