Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
