My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
