Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
