i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
