i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
