I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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