I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
