glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
