I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
