Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
