a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
