You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
