Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
