Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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