My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
