I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
