More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
