Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
