I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
