i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
