the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
