That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
it's like heaven, but drunker
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
