we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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