I want to stick my p in your. b.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
