Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
