so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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