My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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