tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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