shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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