The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
