can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
