One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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