that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
