my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
now i know why i became what i already was.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
