You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
