An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Even my vagina gasped.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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