Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
