I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
